The Volume clause: There will be no yelling in the household we form. If the neighbors want a show, they better have cable. Nothing more is heard when the message is at an above normal volume. Also, if there is something you want to say, you MUST say it. No quiet, no storm.
The Warm Stove clause: Agreement to this means that if I buy pots and pans, you must use them, not daily, but at LEAST on a weekly basis. Meals must be super-sized by applying seconds, not an extra thirty-nine cents.
The Baby clause: Be it a girl, thou must always be the one to bathe and change her. My masculine eyes will never set sight on my daughter’s body.
The Selfish clause: I must have oral gratification on at LEAST every holiday including Martin Luther King’s birthday. On this day, every man, black or white, deserves to feel free at last. Please note there are twelve days of Christmas…and I may, how should I say, DoubleDip! due to celebration of Kwanza. TripleDip!, once I find my Jewish heritage.
The Anal clause: Just kidding…unless you’re going to agree to it!